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RAINBOW VILLAGE RAINDANCE

 

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

This is Rainbow Village, population 37. The awfully attentive reader may have already noted that today four people are absent from the Rainbow Village Raindance Ritual. This is because a brave bald bloke named Brazenhead and his humungous humanoid hound named Baskerville have travelled to Mushroom Mountain with a telescope in search of Rollon, husband & father, and Teresa, wife & mother. The parents disappeared a few days ago while hunting for food.

Everybody in Rainbow Village is afraid that ‘the lost couple’ may actually be ‘the couple that absconded’. But it’s quite possible – in fact, it might probably be probable – that the parents didn’t abscond and are actually lost, or that they got eaten by a Monster. Nevertheless, the chance that the couple upped & walked away from Rainbow Village poisons the bitterly cold air. They have only been gone for two days, but the ghost of their presence distinctly haunts every member of the community.

Rollon and Teresa are parents to the 15-year-old Cloud and his 11-year-old sister Rainer. These siblings are the protagonists of this story and shall embark on this story’s titular odyssey

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The remaining tribe members, an admixture of ages & races, rejoice in subdued ecstasy. They end the Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci!”, thanking the Almighty for His offering.

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

 

 

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

This is Rainbow Village, population 37. The awfully attentive reader may have already noted that today four people are absent from the Rainbow Village Raindance Ritual. This is because a brave bald bloke named Brazenhead and his humungous humanoid hound named Baskerville have travelled to Mushroom Mountain with a telescope in search of Rollon, husband & father, and Teresa, wife & mother. The parents disappeared a few days ago while hunting for food.

Everybody in Rainbow Village is afraid that ‘the lost couple’ may actually be ‘the couple that absconded’. But it’s quite possible – in fact, it might probably be probable – that the parents didn’t abscond and are actually lost, or that they got eaten by a Monster. Nevertheless, the chance that the couple upped & walked away from Rainbow Village poisons the bitterly cold air. They have only been gone for two days, but the ghost of their presence distinctly haunts every member of the community.

Rollon and Teresa are parents to the 15-year-old Cloud and his 11-year-old sister Rainer. These siblings are the protagonists of this story and shall embark on this story’s titular odyssey

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The remaining tribe members, an admixture of ages & races, rejoice in subdued ecstasy. They end the Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci!”, thanking the Almighty for His offering.

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

This is Rainbow Village, population 37. The awfully attentive reader may have already noted that today four people are absent from the Rainbow Village Raindance Ritual. This is because a brave bald bloke named Brazenhead and his humungous humanoid hound named Baskerville have travelled to Mushroom Mountain with a telescope in search of Rollon, husband & father, and Teresa, wife & mother. The parents disappeared a few days ago while hunting for food.

Everybody in Rainbow Village is afraid that ‘the lost couple’ may actually be ‘the couple that absconded’. But it’s quite possible – in fact, it might probably be probable – that the parents didn’t abscond and are actually lost, or that they got eaten by a Monster. Nevertheless, the chance that the couple upped & walked away from Rainbow Village poisons the bitterly cold air. They have only been gone for two days, but the ghost of their presence distinctly haunts every member of the community.

Rollon and Teresa are parents to the 15-year-old Cloud and his 11-year-old sister Rainer. These siblings are the protagonists of this story and shall embark on this story’s titular odyssey. Because the tale of their pilgrimage was recounted to me by a schizophrenic sadist during one of his death trips, almost every character you’ll meet on this psychedelic purgatory of a planet will have a befittingly groovy yet suitably symbolic name, such as Brazenhead or Rainer.

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The remaining tribe members, an admixture of ages & races, rejoice in subdued ecstasy. They end the Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci!”, thanking the Almighty for His offering.

 

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

This is Rainbow Village, population 37. The awfully attentive reader may have already noted that today four people are absent from the Rainbow Village Raindance Ritual. This is because a brave bald bloke named Brazenhead and his humungous humanoid hound named Baskerville have travelled to Mushroom Mountain with a telescope in search of Rollon, husband & father, and Teresa, wife & mother. The parents disappeared a few days ago while hunting for food.

Everybody in Rainbow Village is afraid that ‘the lost couple’ may actually be ‘the couple that absconded’. But it’s quite possible – in fact, it might probably be probable – that the parents didn’t abscond and are actually lost, or that they got eaten by a Monster. Nevertheless, the chance that the couple upped & walked away from Rainbow Village poisons the bitterly cold air. They have only been gone for two days, but the ghost of their presence distinctly haunts every member of the community.

Rollon and Teresa are parents to the 15-year-old Cloud and his 11-year-old sister Rainer. These siblings are the protagonists of this story and shall embark on this story’s titular odyssey

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The remaining tribe members, an admixture of ages & races, rejoice in subdued ecstasy. They end the Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci!”, thanking the Almighty for His offering.

 

Welcome to Rainbow Village, population 37. You can climb Mushroom Mountain & attempt to traverse Fire Forest into the purgatories of Paradise, or you can die in heaven here, where feeling unfurls worlds of dreams that are just as real they seem.

 

At present, the Rainbow Villagers are holding hands and frolicking feverishly around the Ancient Well, chanting the Mercy Mantra to try to compel Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain,” the crowd declaims in perfect synchronicity.

 

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

 

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The tribe rejoice in subdued ecstasy, chanting Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci! Thank God for God! Good God, God is the great! Thank you, God!” as they file into the Rainbow Church of Contortionists, where the preacher already stands at the pulpit, ready to deliver her address to the congregation.

 

“Children of God,” says the preacher, “…do not act like the factual end is an abstract pretend that you can transcend just because it appears to near the same atom of thought that bought Adam a friend. That frame of mind has brought us blame-games and humanity a trillion tears. If you believe in the dream of nowhere and the quo there, your years of forever shall never seem to be here. I now appear to be in the same dream as you, friend, and I’ll be here with you through the blue too.”

 

And so the preacher delivers her usual sermon, warning about the physical danger of climbing Mushroom Mountain and the spiritually devious nature of the Fountain Frogs who reside on top of it. She then abruptly outlines a treatise about what the astronomical heat of the Fire Forest signifies from a theological perspective, and how lucky the congregation is to be in the safety of Rainbow Village rather than “living hand to mouth in the outrageously sinful & overpopulated Paradise City”. The preacher then speaks about the “irrefutably interlinked etymology” of the words ‘Paradise’ and ‘Parasite’, before concluding, “May God give us grace.”

 

“We know that God speaks the truth, and so God is the truth,” say the Rainbow Village congregation in unison.

 

 

THE POLITICS OF PARADISE CITY

 

Political unrest in Paradise City blossomed primarily due to public concern over animal welfare, overpopulation, and the burgeoning use of a designer drug called ‘alcohol’ amongst the proletariat.

After the atheistic propaganda of the rebel-group Sabretooth fertilised fear within the ranks of the Priesthood, the Queen of Paradise City delivered a televised address that repudiated the notion that it was God who granted she and her ancestors sovereignty. 

Little by little, bit by bit, the Queen has largely retreated from the public eye over the last decade. Though the Queen and her opinions are quite widely respected, the relatively recent proliferation of Royal CCTV may have made Her Majesty dreadfully aware of Paradise City’s mind-boggling scale, causing her nerves to get the better of her.

The ideological similarities between Sabretooth leaflets and the seditious press of parliament have now led to two legal concessions from the Queen of Paradise City, which were slipped through every letter box yesterday:

  1. Genetically modified elephant-unicorn-pigs known as Super-Beasts, developed in The Secret Underground Laboratory, can now be purchased as a cheap source of tasty and ethical meat. Each Super-Beast grows up freely wandering The Secret Underground Laboratory, eating a diet of soil and grass. They weigh approximately 4.2 tons when their respective hearts explode.

  2. Debates on the consequences of the legalisation of marijuana shall take place in parliament over the coming month. It is the Queen’s hope that legal weed-edibles will provide drunkards with some food for thought.

 

In my humble opinion, the so-called ‘photographs’ of Super-Beasts found in the Queen’s letter are far from aesthetically-pleasing, but their meat tastes terrific. And who doesn’t like to get stoned out of their mind occasionally?

Yes, along with almost everyone else in Paradise City, I welcome these simple reforms. But Cloud isn’t ‘almost everyone else’. To Cloud, something just doesn’t feel right. What else is the government hiding? What is Sabretooth playing at? And where is his true love?

As the future President of Paradise City, I think that I know the answers to all these questions. But thinking that you know the answer is not the same as knowing that you know it, though perhaps both states of mind require an equal level of delusion.  If the future can wait, so can I.

 

 

 

RAINER’S BIRTHDAY AND MATTERS OF LOVE & LUST

 

Under tonight’s half-baked noon-light, Maxi presents Rainer with a hand-made necklace of artificial snowballs and pecks her on the cheek. Rainer’s wide smile and big blush betray the fact that this necklace, together with Maxi’s kiss, may be her favourite gift of the day.

 

What Maxi lacks in the height department, he more than makes up for by pure audacity & sheer stubbornness & God-given theatrical gravitas. It’s popular opinion amongst the adults in Rainbow Village that one day Rainer and Maxi are destined to marry.

 

When I was younger, I believed that there was nothing sexier than being mostly ignored by the one I lusted after. When I grew older, I believed there was nothing sexier than true love. When I grew even older, I believed there was nothing sexier than infinity. Now that I have grown up, I know there’s nothing sexier than sex.

 

Cloud thought that Claudette could and would make his dreams come true. In Cloud’s eyes, Claudette looked even lovelier than the lilac-lava-lantern-lilies that light the way down Mushroom Mountain at night. Claudette moved with such marvellous majesty that it’s no wonder Cloud became vaguely hysterical every time he saw her. In Cloud’s ears, Claudette spoke so softly that every single syllable of her speech seems to be as sensual as the scripture of good dreams.

 

Half a decade ago, Cloud married Claudette on Mana Beach. But Cloud’s “implausibly erratic and inappropriate insensitivity” following their vows that night resulted in Claudette contacting the Voice of God to legally annul her marriage to Cloud. An elephant was summoned to transport Claudette back to Rainbow Village, and Cloud was left with no choice but to make the five-mile trek through the Finite-5-Foot Greenery alone.

 

Cloud loved Claudette but Claudette didn’t love Cloud because Cloud loved Claudette. That’s the way things sometimes go. But I don’t have any time for any more gossip now.

 

When I become President of Paradise City, my time will be spent updating the official website, meeting Slash, greeting the clients personally to catch up about matters of the soul, and plotting to cause the humiliation of the Fountain Frogs. Now that you know a little more about me & the true intentions of the Fountain Frogs, do you think that I should be President of Paradise City?

 

 

 

33 males & females passionately plead Heaven to open the damned dam of its eyes to their broken prayer and cry. This motley tribe of unlikely heroes hold hands and frolic feverishly around an ancient well, chanting the Mercy Mantra: “Love is rain! Rain explains God! God is the cloud of love above this crowd’s refrain! God, hear our pain!”

When it rains in dry season, there’s no reason to complain. But it’s rainy season and God hasn’t cried for over a month. Why the heaven is God so happy all of a sudden? Did God get married to the Devil, a skilled masseuse of the ego, without first informing Brazenhead, the Village shaman? Is God too busy fighting crime in Savantjakgon or playing imaginary ice hockey to spare a thought for the plight of His worshippers?

This is Rainbow Village, population 37. The awfully attentive reader may have already noted that today four people are absent from the Rainbow Village Raindance Ritual. This is because a brave bald bloke named Brazenhead and his humungous humanoid hound named Baskerville have travelled to Mushroom Mountain with a telescope in search of Rollon, husband & father, and Teresa, wife & mother. The parents disappeared a few days ago while hunting for food.

Everybody in Rainbow Village is afraid that ‘the lost couple’ may actually be ‘the couple that absconded’. But it’s quite possible – in fact, it might probably be probable – that the parents didn’t abscond and are actually lost, or that they got eaten by a Monster. Nevertheless, the chance that the couple upped & walked away from Rainbow Village poisons the bitterly cold air. They have only been gone for two days, but the ghost of their presence distinctly haunts every member of the community.

Rollon and Teresa are parents to the 15-year-old Cloud and his 11-year-old sister Rainer. These siblings are the protagonists of this story and shall embark on this story’s titular odyssey. Because the tale of their pilgrimage was recounted to me by a schizophrenic sadist during one of his death trips, almost every character you’ll meet on this psychedelic purgatory of a planet will have a befittingly groovy yet suitably symbolic name, such as Brazenhead or Rainer.

Wow! It’s raining now! The Raindance has worked! Holy cow! The remaining tribe members, an admixture of ages & races, rejoice in subdued ecstasy. They end the Mercy Mantra by incanting “Merci! Merci!”, thanking the Almighty for His offering.

Cloud and Rainer are thirsty and hungry, but they don’t eat the food that they’ve conserved for the voyage ahead yet. Cloud knows that the younger the tribe member, the less they let them starve or thirst. He doesn’t fear for himself, yet for whatever reason her really fears for his younger sister Rainer.

“I’m cold,” the eleven-year-old girl says, fidgeting with her bedcovers.

“Me too. It’s cold here. Our folks… they ain’t coming back,” her older brother says.

“Possibly not. But they might. I like being warm, but I sure don’t ever want to go to Fire Forest,” she says.

“Beyond Mercy Mountain, past Fire Forest, there’s Paradise. So if you don’t want to go to Fire Forest, you don’t want to go to Paradise. Why don’t you want to go Paradise?” he asks, almost rhetorically.

“I don’t know exactly why I’m afraid of Fire Forest, but it makes sense to me,” Rainer says.

“Okay. If it makes sense to you, then it makes sense to me. Heat is good after cold, though. And we’re going, like it or not,” Cloud says.

 “I wouldn’t mind going if it means that we’re headed somewhere interesting,” Rainer says.

“Interesting in what way?” Cloud says.

“Like complete darkness submerged in light. Something epic… something cool, anyway. Do you know what Fire Forest is like?” Rainer asks.

“No. But OK. I like kaleidoscopes too. Get some sleep. You can’t hope forever and expect dawn to never come,” Cloud says.

“Alright. Good night, Cloud,” says Rainer.

“Good night, Rainer. I’ll wake you early. When you wake up, you’ve got to be quiet for half an hour. It’s important,” Cloud says, blowing out the candle.

“Yeah. Okay… alright. Do you miss Mum and Dad?” Rainer asks.

“Same as yesterday. Sometimes they’re with me. Sometimes they’re not,” Cloud replies.

“Okay. Sleep tight,” Rainer says.

“You too,” says Cloud. He turns away from her in his bed.

“Cloud… will you miss anyone else in Rainbow Village?” Rainer says,

“I’ll miss Brazenhead. How about you?” Cloud says.

“I’ll miss Maxi. Maxi made me smile,” Rainer says. Maxi gave her a flower then pretended to hate her for five months last Winter. But now they’re good friends again. Boys can be coy. Girls do own the world, though.

“That’s good. It’s good to have good memories. Our minds are memories and consciousness. Nothing more. But you’ll meet other people. Where we’re going, there will be lots of other people. I’m sure of it,” Cloud says.

“But how are you sure?” Rimku asks.

“I just know it,” he replies.

“Night.”

“Night.”

It seems like yesterday but it was three days ago. A Monster swallowed Cloud & Rainer’s parents alive. A Monster swallowed them good. The pair weren’t alive after that Monster swallowed them. It’s a shame, but it’s a fact. Oranges are orange. Orangutans are apes. Monsters are monsters.

Cloud wakes Rainer at 4am. Rainer yawns as she wakes up, which makes Cloud yawn too.

“What time is it?” Rainer whispers.

“I don’t know. How should I know? I’m not a sundial. It’s time to wake up,” Cloud whispers back.

Cloud & Rainer creep past 30 sleeping souls in the Village. The mockingbirds are beginning to tweet. It’s usually a treat to the ear, but Cloud knows that some silence would help make the plan successful. Shut up, please!

But now Rainer coughs a smokers cough. Less than a second after this sound exits her mouth, Brazenhead (the village shaman) wearily saunters out of Mana’s hut [I’m not sure if Mana is his girlfriend but he spends an awful lot of time with her].

“Hey dudes,” Brazenhead warbles. “What’s happening?”

“We’re going for walk,” Cloud replies a little too quickly. “Rainer is restless and she’s always liked the night.”

“Okay man,” Brazenhead says in a suspiciously ‘chill’ voice. “Just remember that the danger of remaining is greater than drinking Lava Liquid.”

“Err… what’s Lava Liquid?”

“I don’t know,” says Brazenhead. “Sometimes I hear stuff as well as stuff shit. Maybe it means nothing. I hear a lot of met metaphysical metaphors that even I don’t understand. Have a good walk, dudes.”

“Okay. We’ll bear your advice in mind. Good to see you,” Cloud says.

Cloud & Rainer walk to the woods. Cloud doesn’t look back, but Rainer does. Cloud doesn’t even notice that Rainer looks back. You don’t need to have an IQ of 142 to recognise the symbolism of this.

“Cloud, why the heavens was Brazen in Mana’s hut as this early hour?” asks Rainer.

“I guess he really likes talking to Mana. I don’t know,” Cloud says. He really doesn’t know and this is genuinely his best guess.

It suddenly occurs to Cloud that Brazenhead must have seen their rucksacks. He freezes for half an instant, or at least his mind does. He shrugs.

You don’t have to have an IQ of 120 to know that Brazenhead, the village shaman, knows how to have a good time. I don’t think Brazenhead has an IQ higher than you, but he’s a very perceptive guy. Cloud sighs and Rainer coughs. It’s quite as short journey through the woods, where the inhabitants of Rainbow Village forage for food, but folk rarely set foot on Mushroom Mountain.

In an earthly hour, they reach the foot of the Mushroom Mountain. A goggled giggling Penguin flies fiercely fast & freely towards the two siblings. The Penguin’s eyebrows make it look pretty forlorn, but who’s to say if he’s happy or sad.

[The Penguin’s name? … why does your subconscious ask? I don’t know the Penguin’s name. I don’t know if he even has a name. I’m just telling you a story. It’s good that you have an inquisitive mind, but whether the Penguin is called anything is irrelevant. The Penguin is just a goggled giggling Penguin.]

In actuality, Cloud and Rainer have never seen anything like the goggled giggling Penguin. Neither have you, probably, because if you were to live in a world with rarities such as goggled giggling Penguins, you probably wouldn’t get to read this book. So… it’s not all bad. To quote myself, “there’s a secret karma to the mechanisations of reality’s heart”.

The giggling flying Penguin with goggles snatches Cloud’s rucksack and the giggling flying Penguin with goggles becomes the cackling flying Penguin with goggles. That Penguin simply just cackles with laughter! It’s not at all funny to anyone else but the laughing giggling Penguin seems to find it hilarious.

The image of the cackling flying Penguin with Cloud’s rucksack zooms into the distance and recedes into the horizon. So it goes. Even mortals that you like can rob you of your possessions.

“What the heaven was that weird creature?” says Rainer.

“I don’t know. We’ve got to get my stuff back,” Cloud says. “Your supplies of food & water won’t last us long enough. After we climb Mushroom Mountain, we’ve got to descend Mushroom Mountain and pass through Fire Forest into Paradise. It’s going to be a long journey.”

But the journey won’t last as long as Cloud thinks. Two days are usually just a couple of moments wed to one. How do I know how long it took? You know. Sometimes you just have to make it up. What can I say? I’m not breaking the fourth wall when I tell you this, because we are not in a theatre.

… where the heavens were we? My attention span is short, probably because I am a vaguely handsome schizophrenic, partially disabled introvert loner and mathematically-minded brain damaged genius. Because I have eyes and a good long-term memory, I know that it was something about Cloud and Rainer.

Oh, that’s right. The siblings eventually reach the top of Mushroom Mountain, where they get their first look at Fire Forest and can see Rainbow Village which looks so distant & tiny. Three days of food does not prove to be enough, given that they were hungry already.

On top of Mushroom Mountain, the pair grow very hungry. They decide to eat the leaves they find beneath the Tree of Life. The consequences of this are hilarious & somewhat sad yet vaguely sinister.

Some of the apocalyptic visions they experience hint at a beautiful future of friendship & love while others foreshadow a silent doom, a quiet song of unfulfilled promises.

“I miss Maxi!! Maxi is the bestest!! Clouuuuuuddddd….. promise we’ll go home now,” Rainer says.

“Yeah! Whatever! Maxi’s dead to me too!” Cloud replies callously but happily. Cloud has a brave, righteous heart, but sometimes he can be so rude. He’s eaten leaves before but Rainer hasn’t.

“NOOOOOO! MAXI IS MY HERO! HE’S SOOOOO… SOOOO… MYSTERIOUS,” Rainer whispers. “I think I love him.”

“I think I’ve had enough of Maxi. That kid is just too nice,” says Cloud. There’s something you should know about Cloud: Cloud never thinks twice. Perhaps that’s his hamartia. I’m not going to spell it out for you, but this book is metaphorical as heaven. If I’m honest with you, Rainer’s angels are going to get a little forgetful pretty soon. This story has a happy ending, which is why I want to tell it, but it’s not qutite as happy as the ending of “The Wizard of Oz”.

The siblings descend Mushroom Mountain. Nothing much noteworthy happens during this bit of the tale. Nothing doesn’t happen. But nothing will always happen if you wait long enough. Yep. All you’ve got to do is wait: you don’t even need to hope or move. Someone can physically force your body to move but if it wants to, your mind can remain still for an exceptionally long time.

Cloud and Rainer reach the foot of Mushroom Mountain. It took quite a long time to get here where we are now, but not too long – only nothing lasts too long.

The sacred sibling and the other one enter Fire Forest. They rapidly realise that the further you get into fire forest, the hotter it gets. Rumour has it there’s an inferno at the centre, but I really don’t know if this is true.

They stop walking through the forest, which is just a regular red forest. All sweaty they sit down and drink some of Rainer’s orange juice.

From a nearby tree, a Rainbow Parrot tweets many meaningless things, then soars high in the sky, then descends to perch on Rainer’s shoulder. In Arial Nova Light, the size 12 Rainbow Parrot warns of the “big hairy Tiger that want make love and eat – he even more elderly than a fool such as I!”.

Cloud’s first thought is that the young Rainbow Parrot has become prematurely senile, but soon the pair hear a huge roar.

Cloud is stuck in Cloud’s groove but this world ain’t as brittle as he thinks.

Cloud doesn’t move his restless mind and Rainer is a saint so barely binks.

Do you remember what happens next? Have you heard this story before? Love is the only thing I live for. I don’t like food or television. Cloud and Rainer have never seen a television set, and they’re relatively content when they’re not too hungry. Do you remember what happened before?

Suddenly a ravenous Tiger approaches and start circling around the siblings menacingly. What the heavens did you expect to happen? The Parrot was right.

Rainer remembers the words of the Parrot and offers the Tiger love, speaking affectionately and offering some fish. The Tiger becomes very passive and obedient, laying down and nodding. The siblings pet the Tiger, then sit on the Tiger, the Parrot still perched on Rainer’s neck.

The Tiger gallops off into the secret heart of Fire Forest. It’s quite a bumpy journey. If you’re bored of this story, just remember that the people living it now are not bored at all. You can’t be bored and have adrenaline seeping through your pores. And all of us live in a version of Infinity, even if we don’t know it or our day-to-day lives are boring.

The Tiger carrying Cloud, Rainer and the Rainbow Parrot slows down. There is a picturesque waterfall of Lava Liquid ahead.

“Hah! Me knew this would happen!” says the Rainbow Parrot, happy he is right for once. “What? A shame Andrew me! HAHAH! Me make mathematical paradox pun! Go ahead! Rememberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……..”

They do. The siblings tentatively touch The Lava Liquid. It feels nice. It feels really nice. It feels better than really nice.  Recalling Brazenhead’s words, they drink some. It tastes better than really nice, so they keep drinking it until they aren’t thirsty anymore.

The siblings fall asleep for a few earthly hours. Cloud snores a little. Rainer doesn’t make a sound. The siblings are asleep for 175 earthly minutes.

The Tiger licks the siblings awake. The Tiger sneezes sleepily. “Big hairy Tiger love me now too! I are in your debt,” says the Parrot.

In his sleep, Cloud had an ecstatic vision of blue people. Rainer has had an ecstatic vision of Maxi. Cloud has had a conversation with Brazenhead about returning to Rainbow Village. Rainer has had a bad premonition Maxi would ultimately be happier if they didn’t. Everyone except for the majority of mankind is hungry again.

I’d prefer to keep my telling of the fate that befalls our heroes short and snappy, so I’ll now summarise exactly what goes down.

A small colony of worker ants now dance in Rainer’s mind and she can’t stop dancing to the somewhat more lucid Parrot’s strange melody.

Cloud suddenly realises his sister is quite a beautiful person. He sees her hair turns purple. The siblings agree to go back to Rainbow Village.

Their journey is a success until they reach the base of the mountain. It is then that the Rainbow Parrot flies away. The Tiger gets rather moody.

The Tiger eats Cloud. Cloud’s spirit is somewhere else but Cloud’s body is now dead. The Tiger nods at Rainer. Rainer knows she knows but she is still sad. It starts to rain in Fire Forest. Rainer opens her mouth to the heavens. It feels good to be hydrated again. I doubt you thought or hoped this would be how this story ends, but the following is exactly how my story ends:

  1. Rainer climbs Mushroom Mountain alone.

  2. After eighteen earthly hours, Rainer reaches the top where the goggled giggling Penguin returns Rainer’s rucksack. He’s smiling so photogenically it’s as if this story was meant to adapted for film.

  3. Rainer sees two skeletons on Mushroom Mountain’s lowest peak. She cries. Rainer now knows for sure that she is an orphan and Cloud, her brother is gone.

  4. As soon as a disillusioned Rainer sets foot in the realms of Rainbow Village, it starts raining in Rainbow Village again. This is good, because – as I pointed out at the beginning of this tale – the village was having a tough time.

  5. The first creature Rainer spots when she gets back to the village is Brazenhead, the village shaman. That cat isn’t wearing any socks. “Yeah,” he says. Rainer shakes her head.

  6. Maxi, the boy that Rainer loves, runs up to Rainer. Maxi’s missed Rainer and Rainer’s missed him too, but most of the time she was too busy to think. Rainer and Maxi kiss for the first time. It’s romantic but they don’t really know how to do it.

  7. I’m not sure if this is a happy ending or not, but many earthly years later, Cloud, Rainer, Rollon and Teresa are all reunited in heaven, where eventually the family pass away at the same time because there’s an apocalypse.

You couldn’t make it up. Even I didn’t. It’s just a retelling of a traditional folk tale apparently written in 4379537 BC. I found an outline buried in the deep woods behind my house while I was foraging for food. A third of the outline was in French, a third of it in Chinese and the rest in Latin, so these words represent an animation of the translated outline. I hope you enjoyed them. As implied before, this story is metaphorical as heaven. Why don’t you read it again? Personally, I’m not going to read it again for another while, because I won’t live forever.

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