Born on February 13th 1993, I arrived at Warwick University, got sent to an insane asylum after writing an essay about marijuana, jumped off Archway bridge & into a two-month coma, got kicked out of Warwick University, then started to write a novel and sing my poems. I'm schizophrenic and suffer from depression sometimes
When were you happiest?
Probably one of the times I lost my virginity.
What is your greatest fear?
My greatest personal fear is that ‘eternal return’ is a feature of Reality. I would have to relive every moment of my existence as Dominic Francis again repeatedly for the rest of eternity. I worry about this quite a lot actually. My greatest general fear is that some beings have terrible lives from the beginning right through to the end. Humans have to do more to help other species on this planet rather than wreak havoc by exploring space.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Picking my nose and eating it.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
I despise people not making any effort to properly engage with me because they wrongly doubt it would help them to do so.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Performing 'stand-up comedy' in a room of fifty odd people and only occasionally getting a laugh. My dad & my aunt & Rob Grant & his daughter were there, which made things worse. I learned loads from reading & watching Rob Grant's art. 'Red Dwarf' and 'Fat' influence my prose in the same way that Bob Dylan influence my music. And to make things worse I had a crush on his daughter at the time.
Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I'm a bit fat.
What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
At the insane asylums I used to frequent, many people thought Hitler was a good man. I can’t remember exactly what they said, but I've heard a lot of sentences that assault every atom of conventional morality.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
It used to be porn, but now it's cigarettes.
Have you ever said ‘I love you’ and not meant it?
What do you owe your parents?
Everything. But they owe me too.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
All the animals and insects I have killed. Maybe I’ll get killed by one of them someday.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Leonard Cohen, Eliza Gearty, Bob Dylan, Luisa Thiel, Georgina Masefield, Barack Obama, Sam Raven, Carlos DaSilva, Kanye West, Soko, my brother, my dad, Josephine Fenton, my mum, my cat, George Carlin, Sinead O’Connor and Jesus Christ.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Sublime, God, ‘you couldn’t make it up’ & ‘you know’.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
Walking a thousand metres to the job centre and being interviewed by a loser. I was particularly crippled back then.
When did you last cry, and why?
I can’t remember, because my memory of past events is affected by my brain damage and the fact that I only refer to the past when necessary.
How often do you have sex?
What is the closest you’ve come to death?
When I jumped off Archway Bridge in 2012.
What has been your closest brush with the law?
When I was arrested & locked in solitary confinement for two days, obviously I wasn’t allowed to see my family. I thought I would never get out. I've been arrested three times.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
'Welcome to Planet Earth' by me.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Don’t have babies.